Spent practically the whole year with Erwin and I must say I couldn’t ask for anyone better. He’s been through literally HELL and back with me. He can be an asshole and I can be a bitch sometimes …
But with that we’re both each others angels treading along an unmarked path :)
Being with Erwin has opened my eyes to a bunch of stuff, I’ve discovered what it’s like to smile and recall what it’s like to really laugh to the point of pissing your pants. I’ve managed to get through anger like no other and pain that doesn’t ask for tomorrow. He was there every step of the way.
2012 has been a wild one, that’s for sure. It’s been a while since I have said that the year has done me well. January-February I wasn’t with Erwin and I can say that it was the toughest of months, I was with Brandon and at one point we were happy but closer to the end I felt like I was drowning and I couldn’t find a way out, or more like I was hoping to find air where there was none… Then March came along and you can call it the perfect coincidence? On March 12th I met Erwin at a job fair I wasn’t supposed to be at :$ it was when fantasy and reality overlapped briefly. It was time I made my move and made my fantasy a reality and took charge on my happiness because you know, in the end DO WHAT MAKES TOU HAPPY! Lol
Two lost teens just looking for a place to call home, baby I’m here and I’m not going anywhere :) I love making movie scenes out of our lives because we actually lived them, the money maker shots lay etched in our memories
Let’s take a stroll down memory lane, shall we?
March - We met, we also started going out LOL we were never really friends… God wanted us to be lovers omg that was corny
April - I went to Europe, it was amazing with a few bumps… And when I came back we broke up
May - Legit before prom we got back together. I had Lunch with your fam @ Mandarin!!
June - my birthday!! YOU MET MY FAMILY
July - Centre Island!!! Some how you managed to put up with me in summer school && eClass
August - The Ex, you had FROSH!
September - hmm what did we do in September? Lol I know I just started gr12 and you were a few weeks into uni :/ well I know I wrote about it on our 6month post LOL go find it
October - I handed out candy for the first time!! I always wanted to do that lol and I got to spend that night with you :) camped out on my porch feeding and throwing candy at each other :’)
November - 8 months strong, we celebrated at Chakos!!
December - We went to the YMCA as usual lmao we probably did stuff at my house too ;)
OMG I don’t remember when we went to Red Lobster but that was the first time a boy had ever taken me out to some place other than the movies sfhandihebfkfkebdnskisvdb it was expensive as fuck, for me lol I’m cheap! And for him to even consider going was a blessing. I know it’s sill but I dated so many people and none of them cares enough until Erwin. Babe I love you so much and know I see you as a keeper okay :)
May we spend a long long long time together and I wish us luck lol
See you next year love!!
P.S I LOVE YOU!!
I guess I just hate the fact of being alone.
You don’t want to lose her…
But is risking losing me worth it?
I’m just saying this because at this point I’m pissed off.
You only want me to keep holding on because you want a chance with her?
If you take that in for a second. I understand it, but it’s fucking stupid.
You want me to watch you attempt to be happy with a girl that doesn’t even try to be in your life. All she’s caused you is confusion. While I’ve been trying to feed you clarity. But, you don’t want to see it. I don’t know if it’s because she goes to your school, or you genuinely don’t want to see her get hurt. FINE. I guess you don’t mind seeing me hurt, because I know you have, and you don’t give a shit because you still chose her. She must be great because you haven’t made her cry. What if you did make her cry? Do you think she’ll stay? It’s a fact, you told me she won’t! You’re choosing her because you know I’ll stay in your life. TAKE THAT IN. please. When you don’t work out…. asdfghjkljhgfd I can’t. You’re not supposed to ever choose like that!! You choose based on how you feel towards the person! Maybe I’m too self-acclaimed to see that you are in fact doing that, that you do like her more…
You keep calling yourself dumb, but you don’t want to smarten up.
Fuck this, fuck you, fuck everything fuckable right now!
I am quickly realizing that maybe everything I’ve been fighting for isnt worth it after all. But then I go ahead and say to myself … “what kept you holding on for this long?”
Then BOOM. I tell myself IT WILL BE ALL WORTH IT IN THE END!!
It’s like my mind and heart are fucking going on all out war. This better be fucking worth it or I might literally explode.
Staying strong for both of us?
I wonder why the fuck I would do that when you’re actually putting yourself out there for a girl who decided she didnt even want you, why would you go back to her? WHY WOULD YOU GO BACK TO HER?!
I really don’t want to play this game.
You can say you choose her right now, but you still have time…
But the moment you ask her out. I’m out. I don’t care if you think the friend-zone sucks, cuz I’m not walking out of your life, simply because I know you need me. However, it will be different.
You better have one hell of an eargasmic explanation if we ever get to that point.
Don’t choose me. Ever. All I ever want is the best for you, and I’ll never sugar coat anything. I’m not gonna tell you what you want to hear, I will tell you the truth. If you don’t want someone giving their fucking all for you, I don’t know what you want… You know what, maybe I am too much. I never knew caring so much could be such an ugly trait. But apparently you don’t like it because tell me 5 things she’s done. Why is she so great?
I’m not saying I’m fucking amazing but I hate losing when I had no reason to.
Meeting her first doesn’t count.
uwegfoilagflseihgusleirghbetg I need to get back to work.
I just needed to release some of that…
FUCK MAN!
I am angry for no reason, I was fine this morning!
But, after everything I just said. I want him to choose her.
Don’t choose me. I’m too much.
I’ll always be there, I’m a persistent bitch that won’t back down.
but for the next bit just walk away, chin up Roselle. You had a good run.
I still send all my texts to “babe” because it’s faster to type and there’s only one.
My background is you…
My screen lock is when you asked me out
My password for my laptop…
I sleep with Mr. Cuddles
I only play your playlist…
Why can’t you see I’m crazy about you? Why keep me in a special place? Why make me wait?
Why choose her.
What memories do you have that are so great? Yes. I’m jealous as hell.
She doesn’t deserve you, or maybe you don’t deserve me. I don’t know.
Why should I wait if you left me for another girl, if I take you back, what’s stopping you from doing it again? Nothing. As much as I don’t want to wait, I will. Because I care too much to let go.
Just take the new approach Roselle, you’ll be fine. Remember the objective.
Abort new approach, I repeat abort mission: new approach.
There’s no point anymore.
He chose her.
He hasn’t answered my question yet, so I guess it shall be placed on standby.
She probably doesn’t lose sleep on him…
I’m stupid again.
Wake up Roselle.
Don’t do anything you’ll regret in the morning. I shouldn’t make any decisions in this state of mind. I just need to sleep… How do I get there -___-
He’s fallen asleep…
Fuck being a girl, man!!
I need time.
I guess I’ll have to use the new approach after all aha.
False alarm, continue. However the objective is different now.
Tomorrows a new day.
And one day closer…
Roselle go to sleep.
You think about him too much for your own fucking good.He’s not thinking of you! Go to sleep.
I want to know so badly what’s so complicated.
I’m craving to know if there’s anything left to hope for.
I need to know what changed.
Why did you suddenly …
The fact that what you were saying, you were only taking in then kind of shocked me because I swear you knew what you were getting youself into.
What pisses me off the most is that I didn’t even see this coming!
YO I am beyond stupid.
Happy 1 month babe adsgehskkehebd
That was fast!
I swear it was just yesterday…
Anyways I’m not gonna make a big deal out of this even though I probably will aha. But, thank you for putting the smile back on my face. I love you so much for that! I’ll see you later ;)
Why did I even settle for less than I deserve…
I’ve gone around and said I love you to every guy I’ve dated but I never once said I’m “in love with them” I think that day is fast approaching.
:)
The best one yet :)
Lmao fuck bad luck all today brought was beyond good! You know I was in Europe for 8 days and someone always had to fuck everyday up, and just a few hours with Erwin adsghdkwdji I was just so happy && no one was there to fuck it up :)
He had a spare so we got like 3 hours more together. We went to July’s house because he was sick and I had his shot glass from Paris :)
Then just chilled at the bus stop and I gave him the I heart Paris sweater to match with mine whvrksuwbfowibdje forever fangirling over this cuz I always see couples match and it’s the cutest thing! Okay let’s just say one check on my bucket list :)
Then we went to my house and basically tried 82728717191 new things lol I guess I proved I’m daring and he proved he was ready! Oh man. What a day. I guess it is a workout LOOL
I fucking napped for the longest time wtf 6pm - 2am that’s not even a nap anymore -___- that was a full out sleep. I’m still jet lagged cuz it makes sense 12am - 8am would be the equivalent. Anyways I classified today as a perfect day and those days are epically rare.
And now I lay on these love stained sheets :$
Lmao he has now forever left something for me to keep, and it is my honor to have :)
We are no longer friends.
I know I give off a “idgaf about what people think or say” but there are always going to be those side remarks that leave a sting.
I am not a slut. Fact.
I’ve had enough of the shit you people are putting me through. You dont know me as well as you do. I move on quick, it doesn’t mean I forget everything that happened. I don’t dwell on what’s not worth fighting for. He claims he’s “changing” I was asking that for some time and it’s a little too late, but maybe it had to happen for him to realize he is a better person. Everything happens for a reason and if I get one more hate comment I’ll flip.
& I am not a fucking slut!
That’s rude, and you don’t even have to know me well to know that’s not true.
There is no breakup that’s easy.
I want to say I just don’t love you anymore, but that’s not true, once you love someone you’ll always love them in some twisted way.
You had to go and set rules, and you know the saying “rules are meant to be broken” so before I broke one, I’ll just take my leave. There’s no point in cheating because if you’re not happy just leave.
So even before I could cheat on you, I have to leave. So yes!! There is someone else, and if you started liking someone else I would have completely understood because your happiness comes before mine, unfortunately it was me not you, and I hope you think the same way.
We are going to Vimy in a few weeks and I still believe it’s going to be kickass if you allow all that emotion youre feeling now to bubble down and we can have a great time, as friends.
Ahhh another mistake we had, we never really were friends, we jumped the gun and went straight to lovers, blah we should have stayed friends for at least a week…
We were together for 5 months.
Keep the memories.
Remember we put in 110% and our love was great but you obviously loved me more and I think that’s unfair, I want you to find someone that will love you the way you loved me, and more.
Now, you shouldn’t regret something that once made you smile and just because we broke up it doesn’t mean you have to be bitter about it. Life has dealt you these cards, you choose how to play ‘em.
Now time is the best way to heal.
Take it.
It’s your first break up, what you’re feeling is normal.
To be honest, I’m so scared to talk to you.
These are the values I live by.
I am a student first, I need to be more than a dropout for my family.
Family first!
I am to never choose anyone over my family.
and Happiness always comes first.
If you’re not happy, leave.
Really thinking about walking away and never looking back.
No Regrets.
I shouldn’t make a decision this big until I’m in the right mind.
But…
Tonight I sleep in your sweater and embrace your scent.
I tightly hug Zack the teddy bear you gave me today as I remember…
I remember everything that’s happened before this day. It took exactly 3 months to fuck up
1/4 of a year, yea slut you couldn’t even wait a year.
You risk everything on something I’ve told you countless times NOT TO DO.
Oh best part! You promised me it first when we started going out. That’s one of the biggest reasons why I love you, no it’s the only reason why I truly fucked what everyone else thought about you and decided for myself that you were right for me.
You were sopposed to be a safety net!!! One of those guys that no one would ever think would hurt a girl. Oh boy today you made me cry.
NO MAN IS WORTH MY TEARS.
today you risked losing me.
But every relationship has it’s ups and downs and this babe would BY FAR be our lowest point.
What you did was worse than fucking cheating on me. That’s how betrayed I feel. You murdered my trust today.
I’m staying with you because I fucking know we’ll get through it with crippled baby steps AND because when you saw me crying you did something right. You cried too! I saw someone that was scared to fucking death because he thought he’d messed everything up and I mean everything he had left with me, but his face and those tears wernt fake. No one has been that scared to lose me. And for that I will stay.
Now I am debating weather or not I should call should I wait?
